I know it’s weird but…

That’s usually how most of my midnight to four a.m. thoughts begin. I somehow get most curious and most conflicted in the hours when I’m all alone and usually meant to be fast asleep.

Every existential crisis and life altering decision I have as well as every scarring and cringe worthy moment usually occur at a time when everyone else peacefully sleeps completely oblivious to my late night dilemmas.

Everything from how does my neighbor dance to Nickleback songs while drunk enough to fall into his baby sized pool to what would penguins in prison suits look like has filtered through my mind and made me question the world as I know it.

The voices and movie scenes go on and on and on as my vivid imagination takes great pleasure in torturing my. With very little to distract me from my rampaging thoughts, I’m dragged across the coals of reality and blown gently through the cotton candy clouds of insanity. And slowly you begin to embrace the craziness and look forward to the strange, surreal appeal that only a long night brings.

But in that rare moment that all thought stops and the voices fade… you’re forced to face the deathly silence of night…

That’s when it gets really interesting. When you’re forced to face the insomnia head on and look into the eyes of another endless night without even a hint of sleeping sand floating in the sky… that’s when you accept that insomniac thoughts are your only company.

Alone is scary for a while… then you realise sometimes you just need to be alone to hear your hearts desires. To know what you want and where you’re going… Sometimes scary is good. Because, and I speak from my own experience, it’s when you’re scared that you make the best and clearest decisions. So I take solace in my solitude and embrace my insomniac thoughts the same way people embrace teddy bears.

Sweetest dreams and craziest thoughts,

BrokeBella