Jane Austen said, ” A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a second.”

As the wedding draws ever closer, I am starting to realize that I’ve been narrow-mindedly focused on the wedding while the reality of my impending marriage has not become a conscious thought yet. I’ve imagined everything from the center pieces for the wedding to driving away with my groom at my side while waving out the back window as we drive to our happily ever after. But, in all honesty, I’ve only considered very small details about the marriage that lays ahead.

Yesterday, as I sat packing my (rather extensive) book shelves into tiny boxes. Sorting out what I .am taking with me and deciding who gets specific books from my gigantic collection of novels, it hit me. Next year this time, I am not going to be sitting in a pair of old worn denims and a spaghetti top day dreaming on my bedroom floor. I’ll be in a different country with a
different family and a completely different routine. I will be responsible for way more than a few books and making my bed.

There’ll be dinners and family time with people I am not familiar with yet. People I’d see every day and spend hours with. There’ll be another mummy in my life to turn to for  quick advice because mine will be a little too far away. Another dad who’ll ask me to grab him stuff from the fridge when I’m walking past it and more siblings to laugh and joke with. Next year this time home (in my mind at least) will be more there than here.

To be honest…

That terrifies me.

I grew up super close to my family. We have “Sunday Family Days” and eat together every night. There’s an unspoken rule that regardless of whether or not you’re hungry you find your butt to your seat at the supper table and spend at least an hour with everyone in the house. We’re a big family and while we may have issues (like any family does) we are close. Thus, the thought that pretty soon I will go from having seven or eight other people in the house at any given time to sharing a home with only my husband is a tiny bit intimidating.

Don’t get me wrong, I do look forward to having my own space and being with the person I love. I never really considered what a change like this would entail. From the beginning, I’ve been subconsciously aware that I will be leaving this comfy reality of mine to create a new one once I get married. We all know there’s a ring to come and a house or some nice clothes. We’re conditioned from a young age to associate marriage and weddings with the princess life.

Alas even though I’ve always known there’s more to getting married than just the wedding and the fancy outfits, I never sat down to contemplate the realities of marriage. See, I’ve no interest inthe material objects (if I did I would simply buy them for myself not get hitched). No ring will tell me how much or how little to love… And yet, I (like most brides) have focused my attention to the smallest objects for a single day.

Perhaps it is a distraction or a coping mechanism to focus on the tangible and ignore the intangible until it becomes tangible? What ever it is, I’ve used it to ignore the change that is looming closer. But now as the months disappear and the days flutter away I find my attention shifting. My thoughts are slowly focusing on the tiny details that lead me down the road and towards my new home. The important things. The marriage to come.

So, I sit here contemplating all the questions I haven’t asked and all the situations I can’t imagine yet and I’ve decided that for me the wedding is but a distraction and the marriage to come is the part I’m truly excited for…

Contemplating Changes To Come,

Brokebella